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Each year, AI enthusiasts compete for the Loebner prize, which pits chatbot against chatbot to see who or what can come closest to passing that test.
While more sophisticated methods of machine learning are in development, many of today's chatbots are still built on a similar coded call-and-response formula as ELIZA.
Without keyword triggers, the first of my masters, "Top, sweaty, jock," was reduced to two simple phrases: "What was that b***h?
" and "I don't speak gay, try again in English." Try as I might, I couldn't get my master to respond in kind to even the simplest of phrases.
Naturally, my thoughts shifted to getting it on with a pioneering computer program.
ELIZA was developed at the MIT Artificial Intelligence Laboratory in the mid-'60s by Joseph Weizenbaum.
Unfortunately, ELIZA isn't the most engaging of sexual partners. Either ELIZA wasn't feeling it, or I need a lesson in spitting chatbot game.
Anyway, I don't think I'll be hitting ELIZA up the next time I'm in the mood for a booty call.
Worswick responded to my post on Twitter asking for stories from people who'd used bots to get off.
It simulated the experience of speaking to a therapist by responding to specific words and phrases, and represented a significant step forward in the evolution of human-like AI.
But while some of ELIZA's "patients" took it for human, there were limits to the power of its engagement.
While my experience with ELIZA was nice and lighthearted, there's a sinister side to chatbots.
When Weizenbaum cooked up his little therapist at MIT, he had no way of knowing that it would spawn hordes of fraudsters and con-bots.
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(Pro tip: Next time a bot tells you how big its dick is, do yourself a favor and ask for its mother's ambrosia salad recipe.)Of course, not all of ELIZA's progeny are nefarious gold diggers.