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And don't ever use jealousy or insecurity over their past relationship to excuse irrational or controlling behavior on your part. It may be tempting ask your friend to analyze what happened between the two of them so that you can avoid making the same mistakes, but resist that urge.Of course, if your sweetie gives you a legitimate reason to believe he's untrustworthy, get out of there stat, but if there's really nothing wrong, don't create problems where none exist. Likewise, don't grill your boyfriend on what went wrong or insist that he account for his behavior throughout the entire time they dated.Remember that you can love them both without them necessarily having to enjoy each other.This goes for friends and partners who haven't dated, too, now that I think of it. Don't ask your man if you're prettier/smarter/better at Scrabble than his last girlfriend.In fact, when we met, my now-partner was on a date with my best friend.They dated casually for a few weeks before they split up and we got together, and three years later the same friend gave one of the readings at our wedding. It's common to assume that anything shared with you is by default shared with your partner as well; however, your friend might be much less comfortable speaking to you in confidence if she thought the details of her personal life were going to be relayed to someone who used to share her toothbrush.
They wholeheartedly believe that it's wrong, disrespectful, and if a friend did that to them, they'd never talk to that person again.Besides, comparing yourself to anybody — even if you come out ahead — is going to lead to feeling crappy, because basing your self-esteem on where you stand relative to someone else is Not Healthy.So don't seek out comparisons, and if your dude brings up the topic, tell him you're not interested in hearing it. Don't try to keep your boyfriend and your bud from associating because you're afraid they still have feelings for each other, and don't constantly seek reassurance that that's not the case.You and your friend are not in competition, except when you're actually playing Scrabble. Trust that your dude is with you because he likes you and you're awesome, not because he's biding his time until your friend takes him back.Trust that your friend is happy you've found someone you dig, not plotting to sabotage your love.
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