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There are erogenous zones in the earlobes and on the nape of the neck, so a head massage is a great way to feel stimulated. Have you considered sex or foreplay in your chair, or even your hoist?
What about having your partner laid on the bed while you stay in your chair pleasuring them?
On a first date (or any date for that matter) you don’t want to have to struggle to get into the building or find it awkward to get to the toilet. There’s no point putting yourself in a difficult situation – first dates can be nerve-wracking enough! If your date also has access requirements, work together to decide what would suit you both best. If your date isn’t a wheelchair user, it might be worth choosing a dating activity that means you will be at the same eye level, especially if it’s your first.
For example, you could have a drink or dinner, or go to the cinema where there is wheelchair-accessible space next to an additional seat. Think about what assistance you’ll need on the date.
So you may need to tweak these tips to apply them to your specific situation.
But these will give you a springboard to finding the right partner and enjoying sex. If you’re looking for a partner, it’s likely that you’ve considered online dating.
If they seem curious, encourage them to ask questions.
Be open and relaxed about it – the more uninhibited you are about your wheelchair, the less they will be. If you can’t easily reach out to touch your date, be brave and tell them that you’d like to.
Talk about what would suit both of your needs best. Having tissues or a bottle next to the bed means the transition after sex will be less clunky. If you’re limited in what you can do in bed, talk about ways around things. Tell a potential lover how you feel about your body and the stoma. If you’re paraplegic, there is a specially designed, high-intensity vibrator, the Ferticare, to help you experience orgasm.
Also, look to join Outsiders, which I set up a number of years ago to enable disabled people to meet and support each other.
We have regular meetups across the UK, as well as online chat groups. Of course, meeting somewhere accessible for you is key.
It might be that you won’t need any help at all, but if you will, talk to your date about it before you meet.
That way, it won’t be a surprise to them and it’ll take the pressure off having to ask on the day. If there are things you don’t want your date to help with, such as going to the toilet, plan how you will get around it beforehand, so you know in advance and won’t feel flustered on the date.